Monday, October 21, 2013

I Believe (Week 1 of OBS)

First of all, I apologize for this post being a day late. I am choosing to talk about about why I believe change is possible. To do this Proverbs 31 encourages us to refute our own thoughts of doubt with declarations of faith.
  •  I believe that I am worthy of love because Christ loved me so much that He gave up His life for me.
  • I believe that I am a beautiful person inside and out because God made me perfect in His eyes and loved me before I was born. 
  • I believe that I am not alone because Christ is always there to turn to in difficult times
  • I believe that I will know the path to take for my life because God has a plan for my life and it's a plan for good. Even if it's not my plan, God's plan is perfect.
  • I believe that I can handle any obstacles that come my way in life because through Christ anything is possible and when you have faith and trust in Christ you can move mountains.

I know that I need to repeat the above affirmations weekly if not daily. Already through this study I have realized how I don't really believe I'm worthy of love whether that's human love or the love of Christ. I consistently beat myself up for having a child out of wedlock and think because of my sins I deserved the pain and heartbreak of the father of my child leaving me for a younger woman, of dealing with cancer and the general struggles of being a single mom in a new city while trying to handle a graduate program. Growing up I usually received the message from my family that I was difficult and my mom and myself did not have a great relationship. She always told me what a mean person I was and even if I didn't act out in spitefulness she always viewed my actions as negative and I began to believe I was a mean, spiteful person. It has taken a long time but I have recently realized that even though I still sin and make mistakes and sometimes hurt people without meaning to, I am trying to be a good person and every day I pray to God to help me become a better person and that means something to. Every night I evaluate my day and the things that I did that might have hurt people and how I can be better in the future. I am a work in progress, but I think the point is that I'm always trying to be a better person and that I don't just hurt people without thinking about it. If I accidentally hurt someone it sticks with me and I think about it and feel awful for what I did and think about how I can make it better and be a better person.

I'm really hopeful that through this study I will grow in my confidence in Christ and I learn to forgive myself and realize I am worthy of love.

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